


Smart as Trees in Sault Ste. Marie

by gloss



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: F/F, Gen, a softer ficathon, boss babes get it done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 19:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloss/pseuds/gloss
Summary: Alexis tossed back her hair and clapped her hands sharply. "I call this meeting of the Greater Prince Albert County Small Business Boss Babes and Girl Bosses and Stupid Brothers Who Can't Mind Their Own Business to order."





	Smart as Trees in Sault Ste. Marie

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Hip, "Born in the Water".  
Written for this [prompt](https://elasticella.dreamwidth.org/22115.html?thread=51555#cmt51555): _schitt's creek: twyla/alexis / my five year plan is to maybe go out for ice cream this afternoon?_ in [A Softer Ficathon](https://elasticella.dreamwidth.org/22115.html).

Until a few months ago, the Private Lounge at the back of Cafe Tropical had been known as 'storage'. It took Twyla three early mornings to clean it up and throw on a new coat of paint (it looked beige, but the official name was 'Seductive Sunset'), but now it rivaled the Rosebud Motel's Conference Nook for professional accomodations.

Palms flat on his chest, Alexis pushed David backward toward the doorway. "David! Get _out!_"

"Unhand me, please," he said over her head. "I'm here for the hashtag-boss-babe meeting. No violence necessary."

Stevie was slumped at the large oval table. It had once served in the middle school's cafeteria, and still bore the gouges and scratchitti of generations of kids. She straightened up now, grateful for some entertainment.

Alexis shoved him harder, but though David weebled and wobbled, he did not fall down. "Go away, David!"

"But I'm a boss babe!" he insisted. "I want to share and chat and network with my fellow babealicious bosses."

"You're such a jerk, David!"

"David," Patrick said quietly. "Let's leave the girls alone."

"Um, eww? Excuse me?" Alexis whirled on Patrick. "What was that? _Girls?_"

He blanched. "I'm sorry. Women. Boss babes—not including David, who is the babest of all bosses in my eyes—and the like."

"Nice save," Stevie murmured and Patrick nodded his thanks.

Alexis planted her fists on her hips. "David, get out. Patrick, you can stay if you want. I'm calling this meeting to order."

"_Somebody_ downloaded the audiobook of Robert's Rules," David said.

"Out," Alexis said. 

"Can I go, too?" Stevie asked, half-rising.

"No," Alexis told her so Stevie sank back down. "You're a vital member of our collective girl power."

"Gross," Stevie said while David dropped his jacket and waved his hands.

"_Girl_ power?" he asked, then leaned in and repeated himself.

"David," Patrick said.

"_Hush_," David hissed. "I want to hear her justification for this one."

Alexis blinked several times. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Girl power!" Both of David's hands circled maniacally before him. "Girl power?"

She nodded. "Mm-hmm. What's your problem, David?"

"I think—" Patrick guided them both to the table and pulled out chairs for them. "I believe he's trying to protest the fact that you got angry when I called you 'girls'—for which I am sorry as well as contrite—but then you went ahead and referred to your collective, and this is a direct quote, 'girl power'."

Alexis had been nodding along, but when Patrick finished speaking, she kept doing so.

"Alexis?" Twyla ventured. "I only have about ten minutes left on my break..."

Without looking away from David and Patrick, Alexis reached behind her back and unerringly found Twyla's hand to squeeze. "Don't worry, Twy," she said, narrowing her eyes at David. "They were just leaving."

"I don't mind them staying," Twyla said. "The more the merrier, right?"

"Thank you!" David said, quite loudly while continuing to glare at Alexis. "I'm glad _someone_ can see past outdated gender categories in order to practice—"

"David," Patrick said, again, as quietly and firmly as ever.

"Fine!" Alexis tossed back her hair and clapped her hands sharply. "I call this meeting of the Greater Prince Albert County Small Business Boss Babes and Girl Bosses and Stupid Brothers Who Can't Mind Their Own Business to order."

"So why does Twyla get to be here?" David demanded.

Alexis took a deep breath and held it, her shoulders rising nearly to her ears, then exhaled very slowly. Just as slowly, she turned to meet David's eyes. "Because she is my nearest and dearest friend whom I love nearly and dearly."

Twyla let go a surprised, pleased little giggle, then slapped her hand over her mouth.

"But she's not a boss," Patrick noted. He shrugged. "No offense, Twy."

"None taken!" Twyla smiled widely, but the longer everyone just looked at her, the harder it was to maintain. Finally, she added, "I'm learning a lot here, though. _So much_."

"Of course Twyla's a boss babe," Alexis said. "At last month's meeting, we discussed long-term challenges and what did she do?"

Twyla couldn't help but beam.

Alexis poked her arm. "No, seriously, Twy, what _did_ you do? I know it was something."

"Yonanas," Twyla reminded her.

"Right, yes! Yonis!" She licked her lips and rubbed her tummy. "Mmm, yum, love that yoni."

Patrick swallowed his chuckle, while David scrunched up his face and shook his head several times, as if to dislodge water from his ear, or a troublesome thought from his mind. 

"Yonanas," Twyla said again.

"Are you having a stroke?" David asked.

"Soft-serve mashed frozen bananas," Stevie said from her seat. "Pretty tasty, actually. If you order the plain." She raised her voice. "Whatever you do, only order the plain."

It had been pure serendipity, actually. The day after their last #BossBabe coffee-klatsch, Twyla took a wrong turn leaving Elmdale. Sure, she'd lived here her whole life and could drive with her eyes closed, but she was distracted by a text from Alexis. She took another wrong turn while dreaming up the perfect response, and found herself passing a yard sale so large it might have qualified as a small flea market. She didn't know what the technical specs on the different categories of _selling old stuff outside_ said, but this one was impressive. She found a tulle bassinet curtain that reminded her of the one over her Great Aunt Glory's dog kennel, sparkly green-sequin shoes with block heels that were exactly her size thanks to judicious use of tissue paper in the toes, and, just as she was looking around for someone to take her money, a basically new Yonanas machine in its box.

They let her set it up at the cafe only after she promised to wash it herself and take charge of freezing the bananas. She'd only forgotten one or both of those tasks a couple times so far. More significantly, they'd sold nearly _500_ orders of Cafe Tropical Tropical Treats since.

"See?" Alexis said smugly. "She's the most go-getting of all of us. Except me, of course. She doesn't have business cards."

"But she's not a boss," David said. "No offense."

"Again," Twyla replied, "None taken!" She was much more concerned about Stevie's rejection of her Yonanas melds and mix-ins, frankly.

"She is so," Alexis insisted. "Each and every one of us in this room is the future of entrepreneurship. That's the whole _point_."

"I'm not an entrepreneur," Twyla said.

Alexis got two red spots high on her cheeks, and they had nothing to do with Fenty Beauty _or_ MAC. "Twy. Don't you dare put yourself down. What does a Boss Babe always say?"

"There is no try, there is only do?" Patrick asked; only Stevie laughed.

"You can't fall if you don't look down," Twyla recited.

"Ah, from the Wile E. Coyote School of Business," David said. "Profound."

Twyla's phone alarm sounded. "Sorry, guys," she said as she stood, "I have to get back to work."

When Alexis frowned, her whole face crumpled up and her shoulders sagged. It always made Twyla's stomach hurt to see. She reached down and held Alexis's hand for a moment, murmuring 'sorry'.

Alexis nodded, her expression clearing, and tilted her cheek for a kiss. Her arms came around Twyla's neck and she held on for longer than Twyla could spare, but it wasn't as if Twyla could stop, either. Alexis had the softest, sweetest mouth, but she could also kiss dirtier than anyone Twyla had ever made out with. That included a roadie for The Tragically Hip _and_ her second-cousin Dwayne.

When Twyla had punched back in behind the counter, and wrapped her apron smooth and tight around her waist, David was still staring at Alexis. His mouth was open but no sound came out.

"Oh, calm down, David," Alexis said airily. "You're not the only one in this family with a lot of love to give and very few restrictions on who deserves it."

"Um," Patrick said to that.

Stevie reached over and pushed David's mouth closed while Patrick patted his hand consolingly.

"She's still not a boss," David finally said. "I just want to say that for the record."

"Ugh, you're always so _critical_ of my partners!" She started counting them off on the fingers of one hand. "Stavros was allergic to monogamy. Mahmoud didn't speak English. Borassa wasn't the prince he said he was. Jonah Hill didn't deserve either Oscar nomination. God, David! Ease up on the judgment for once."

"He just means she's not a business owner," Patrick said.

"She's labor, not management," Stevie added and sighed. "God, I miss being not management."

"You're all so mean," Alexis announced. "I'd think you'd have more sympathy for a non-mainstream love. I'm really disappointed."

"Me?" Stevie asked. "Why me?"

"Please. Your flannel closet alone qualifies you as a protected class," David said. He turned back to Alexis. "Wait a minute—" Alexis rose to her feet, her flounce commencing much as storm clouds gather and swell on the horizon. "Did you say _love?_"

Alexis, however, was stalking away, making for the front of the cafe and the exit, her hair streaming in her wake, her filmy, deconstructed-boudoir jacket doing the same. Boss babes rise above toxicity: that's like rules number one through five.


End file.
